11Nov 2018
For whatever reason we often find ourself becoming people collectors. Some of us collect friends, some professional contacts, leads, or associates. For others we want intimacy. This is what gets us into trouble. Every person is not a good fit for you. Here is a list of reasons: Long distance relationship, live with parents, have a kid or too many kids, baby mama or daddy drama, no job, bad sex, bad breath or body odor, too fat, too skinny, not thick enough, unemployed, different social economic status (too good or not good enough), education, behavior or manners, the list goes on and on for reasons the person you are attracted to is not the person for you.
See attraction goes deeper than the external beauty. Initially that is what will get your attention but to sustain a relationship, one has to bring more to the table. And yes it has to be more than just sex also. Yes we all like great sex but what if you could no longer perform? What would you have to offer to keep your mate in love with you? What if they did not have the ability to perform? Would you stay? Do they have other qualities to keep you? See intelligence is sexy to me. I want my mate to be loyal but also mentally stimulating. Yes Mind Fuck me or Skull Fuck which ever works. I find that sexy. Other people want an activity mate and that is the thing that keeps them together. For others it is religion. The guilt and conviction of what it means to be married, that fear of the rath of God and going to hell will keep them together. For others it is their kids. I see people that stay in marriages until the kids graduate and leave home and then they divorce. I see soccer moms in their mid 40's that the kids leave home and they totally lose their purpose. No more events and they have to live with this man and face him daily(or get a job, or hobby) and the lose their shit.
How do you know who your person is? Good question. Many people want to jump the broom and tie the knot without really knowing each other. See we all have a past and keep secrets from each other. We never tell all. How would it go over saying, hey baby I know you love me but I have a confession before we go any further... "I was a professional escort in college", or "I was a dancer/stripper", "I was or am a gigolo", "I was a Pimp", "I am a convicted felon", "I have ED", "I have a condition", "I take mind altering medication", "I have other children but they live with my X". Any one of these would sound alarms. Usually because we don't tell all we hear about these things through the grape vine, or through a slip up, or years later after we have fallen in love with them. Sometimes friends or family members bring things up that you were unaware of. And you thought you knew your person. This is why your person need to be multiple things for you, to you, and with you. I recently read that your person needs to know that life with you great and life without you is impossible. Yes reasons to spoil each other all the time. It should be mutual to avoid resentment. The things mentioned in the previous two paragraphs should not be an excuse. Why because you are there to work that stuff out and to better the situation. The barriers in this paragraph, well they need to be discussed. Hopefully you find out sooner than later. I learned that you never know someone until you live with them. Even then you never really know them. They learn to hide their skeletons in plain sight and you never even notice the bones. You walk right by them and think is furniture or decorations.
Things that get us by: Openness, Love, Trust, Dialogue (two way communication not an assault or attack), Understanding, Activities (date nights), Sympathy (I can't imagine, what if it was me), and Empathy (I understand I have been there also, It happened to me). Play a game like "I Have Never Ever", or "Been There Done That" or "Cards Against Humanity". Find out how twisted this person really is.
We all want love. We all want to be desired. Often we jump into relationships too fast without establishing friendships. Or we become opportunistic and seize the moment, and we are not ready to be in a relationship. We have our own drama going on and need to work on self. How can we make another person happy before we make ourself happy? We get lonely and think God sent me Him/Her and this is my chance, when God meant to show you what is possible for you in the future, not for the present. He want you to get yourself ready for this person in the future so you can be His/Her person. Give it time. We are so quick to jump. Sometimes we need to be still and create a space for your future person. I wish you all the best in life and in Love. May you all find your person. I love you all. Peace.
-Book
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